There is one story I will never forget. When I was a teenager, a so-called friend told me about a “crazy” girl — a tale that introduced me to the label “borderline” for the first time. According to that friend, the girl was unstable, dishonest, a thief, and an emotional wreck. Hearing that description, I thought, “People with borderline are really crazy,” and felt relieved that I only smoked weed and occasionally drank. A few years later, I was diagnosed with the same disorder. The irony was sharp. For more than two years I held my tongue, but I no longer feel ashamed for an illness I did not choose.
It took me over two years to speak up, and fear is the reason why so many people don’t seek the help they need. When I received my diagnosis, I felt numb at first, then sad, then consumed by anger and fear. I couldn’t blame myself — the only narratives I’d heard about people with borderline were negative. Suddenly I was one of “those” people. That’s why I decided to talk about my personality disorder and mental health in general: too many misconceptions and stigmas surround these conditions. Along with the negative emotions came relief, because the diagnosis finally opened the door to treatment and support, and everyone deserves that same relief.
The biggest thing that held me back was fear — fear of what others might think, fear of rejection and ridicule. Today I choose to face that fear because my heart tells me it’s the right thing to do. From now on, alongside sharing recipes, I’ll write about how I invite positivity and light back into my life, how I cope with difficult days, and other topics related to mental health. For now, know this: people with mental illnesses are just people. I may be more sensitive and find some things harder, but I am not “crazy.”
Let me make one thing clear: I am not my disorder, and I do not let it dictate my life. The diagnosis was, for me, a way to understand that I was facing a mental health challenge and to get the appropriate help. It’s important to remember that every diagnosis expresses itself differently from person to person. Borderline personality disorder, like any condition, varies in severity and in the symptoms people experience. You cannot fairly compare one person’s struggles to another’s based solely on a diagnosis.
No matter your condition, everyone you meet is fighting battles of their own, so choose kindness. Even when it’s difficult, try to bring light into someone else’s life — everyone deserves the love and compassion they long for. If you are living with a mental illness, know that you also deserve love, respect, and patience. Be gentle with yourself.
Much love,
A.J.
